.I remembered how I had thought about the trust that Sam and I shared onthe softball field, except our trust wasn't just on the field. With theway I trusted her, I knew I could tell her what was going on with meansthat she would be okay with it. I knew that she wouldn't turn her back onme, and I knew that she would be there for me. I wanted to tell her, Ireally did. Every time I tried to think of a way to actually say itthough, my stomach would start knotting up in fear. The thing was, Ididn't know why I was afraid. I knew, or least was pretty sure, that shewas into me more than just a friend, and I also knew I was falling hardfor her... That's why I had to tell her, even though in doing so wouldchange the way things were going. I had already convinced myself that wecould only be friends, and I was mostly okay with that. I was stillafraid though...The fear is what was bothering me the most... I guess most people learnto deal with it, and even overcome their fears, they have to. I. I'd have my second tobacco fix in the kitchen. She would be making us toast and tea. She knew I was there, but she would let me sneak up and put my around her. I had to be careful with my hands. I wanted to feel at her soft big tits, grab at them, ruffle them up like pillows, even if it was through her jumpers. But I couldn't do that. I had to stand behind her like a stranger and wait until the time was right and gently touch her shoulders. It was like one of those trust games. She would lean back into me and let her weight gradually fall against me. I’d tilt her towards me like a fruit machine. I'd kiss her neck, with butterfly kisses, stitching together all the things I wanted to do. She liked that. And because she liked it I liked it. But we had to be sensible the toast was getting cold. I had one simple rule. I'd never lie to her, unless it was completely necessary. We were friends. That was it. She'd make a bed up for me in her flatmates old room, which was now the living.
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